Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in apple_ophelia's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
10:31 pm	ARSON! or, Redemption is Only a Matchbox Away I cannot explain, and I will not be asked how shivering candles keep prayers intact, but if one candle eases, a bonfire saves, and I haven't risen yet. I wonder if "ARSON!" will be the best song I've written. I really hope not; not because it sucks but because I love it and want to do better. It wasn't the lyrics; it was the melody. I can do it again. I will. That moment where all three harmonies come together in the last refrain on one line ("I haven't risen yet") still elates me. And when Nick tells me that new songs "will be the next 'Arson,'" I'm secretly proud. I should be writing a huge, important paper. Instead, I'm daydreaming and writing new lyrics in my head. I wonder sometimes if i should have gone into music. Maybe it would have been good for me. But who would have accepted my odd, reedy voice or my awkward mandolin or my penchant to cram enormous meaning into two-minute songs? I'm better off on my own. It took me three years and endless resentment and jealousy to realize it, but I'm glad. This is how I know Nick and I are intended for each other: he gave me the chance that no one else offered me: to write songs. It looks stupid, written out like that, but that's it. I still can't believe we gave that song that stupid joke name I made up. It was supposed to be Hymn of the Arsonist. Oh well. c: Current Mood: happy (Sugar, spell it out)
Saturday, November 14th, 2009
8:44 pm	Studyinnn Just took a computer practice test, and I'm feeling a bit better about the GRE. I'll take the other computer practice test tomorrow. Hopefully it will also prove reassuring. I didn't do that great in math, as expected, but I completed all the questions with time to spare, which is good. Nothing will help me in math, but whatevs. It doesn't really matter. I did about as expected in verbal; 25/30 correct. I still want to do better, though. I really, really want to get all of the questions right. I just need to take more time with my answers. I am a habitually fast test-taker. If I can't figure out a question within a few seconds, I guess and move on, which is stupid, especially with verbal questions. My vocabulary learning has gone well and proven fruitful! Yay! I am now FAR more concerned about my midterms on Monday than I am about my GRE. Primate skeletal biology won't be too bad. I just need to remember the articles, and I'll be fine. I'll kick the lab portion's ass. I already know all the bones, I know the features he went over in class, and I know the differences between Cercopithecoids and Hominoids. Yeah, fuck your prominent olecranon processes, cercs! HUMANS HAVE DEEPER PATELLAR GROOVES! WOOOOH! OH, WHAT'S THAT, OLD WORLD MONKEYS? YOU HAVE MORE LUMBAR VERTEBRAE? OH, WELL YOU CAN SUCK ON MY DORSALLY PLACED SCAPULAE! TRY TO LIFT YOUR FORELIMBS OVER YOUR HEADS, MONKEYS. I DARE YOU. I am a freak. :c (1 fuzzy transmissions | Sugar, spell it out)
Friday, November 13th, 2009
11:54 pm	Bzz. Been writin' some songs. Very, VERY excited about a concept album I'm constructing! The opening song is very pretty: a love song for a city. It's reprised later as a love song for a person. I am so mushy. Oh well. Monday: Cultural Anthropology midterm (50 min) Primate Skeletal Biology midterm (150 min) Tuesday: GRE (three-four hours. aghhhh.) Wednesday: class packing, cleaning Thursday: Nutrition and Anthropology quiz class and lab C.V. for Michaela Friday: flight at 8 am shopping with Mom in downtown Chicago! dinner with Nick's family Wow. I am a busy bee. Bzz. (Sugar, spell it out)
Saturday, November 7th, 2009
4:52 pm	Belly Button! Yay! ( it's blue! ) Current Mood: excited (Sugar, spell it out)
Friday, November 6th, 2009
2:58 pm	those midnight calls mixed with adderall are engraved in your fingertips oh, don't come home *hums and sways* I am writing a new song today because the GRE SUCKS! (Sugar, spell it out)
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
12:18 pm	GRE Breakdown: Writing: Yes! Reading Comprehension: Yes! Vocabulary: Yes! Math: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I AM SO SCREWED. (Sugar, spell it out)
Sunday, November 1st, 2009
7:18 pm	Alas, my love, ye do me wrong to cast me off discourteously And I have loved you for so long delighting in thy company When I was little, "Greensleeves" and "Star of the County Down" were my favorite songs. And from Bantry Bay up to Derry Quay and from Galway to Dublin town no maid I've seen like the sweet colleen I met in the County Down (Sugar, spell it out)
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
8:27 am	So I've found a title for my collection of short stories: the Bodies Under the Boards Yay for Alexandria. (Sugar, spell it out)
Monday, October 26th, 2009
5:12 pm	Man, I really need to know what the next writing challenge is so I can have something to do during Cultural Anthropology. DAMMIT. (1 fuzzy transmissions | Sugar, spell it out)
Saturday, October 24th, 2009
12:05 pm	Hmm, what to do today... some kind of shopping, though I probably won't buy anything (I do this a lot. I just like wandering around shops.) start a new knitting project (I finished Nick's scarf, and not having a project is freaking me out.) cram like fuck for the GRE (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) It'll be a good day! Maybe I'll even work on Cormac a little bit. I like the timeframe of Lent, so I think I will end up using it, after all. Though I won't be as strict about it as I was with Seedeaters: one chapter for one day. That deteriorated quickly. Bleh. Maybe I'll write some flashbacks, lol. I love writing me some flashbacks. "I was ordained bleeding from the mouth." vs. "My life began, as many do, with a suicide." (not a real suicide) I have no idea which way to go with this one. Current Mood: absent-minded (Sugar, spell it out)
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
10:07 pm	Really? Dear Lazy Group to which I was assigned: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR INEPTITUDE. Do not send frantic e-mails to our TA, complaining that "that girl" was supposed to send you an e-mail specifying the time/location for the group meeting. We organized it IN CLASS LAST WEEK. You were sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME. You were TEXTING. It is your own fault for being STUPID. I am not sorry I didn't send out the e-mail because NO ONE ELSE HAD THIS PROBLEM AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT. love and kisses, that girl Current Mood: aggravated (Sugar, spell it out)
Monday, October 5th, 2009
8:57 pm	Two-Headed Boy is first up Tonight is a Sad Song Sing-Along in my room tonight!! Way more fun than it sounds. I am supposed to be reading about the effects of vitamin A supplements in pregnant women in Nepal. but this is cooler and less productive Next up: "Goddamn Blue Yodel #7" everybody now! Current Mood: cheerful (Sugar, spell it out)
Saturday, October 3rd, 2009
12:08 am	our Lord came to sweet Mary Magdalene when she hid her heart away our Lord came to sweet Mary Magdalene hallelujah! hallelujah! Current Mood: creative (Sugar, spell it out)
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
1:00 am	Art tiem naow ( silly shit I drew ) (Sugar, spell it out)
Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
10:09 pm	I'm practically a parody of myself. Feeling limited. I can't make my brain work the way I want it to work. I can experience the passion and exhilaration of people through their work, but I can't manifest those things in my own work. Everything I create is so contrived. It's so deliberate and forced. I wish I could just write something good. I don't know how. Maybe I could be talented, but I just don't know what to do, so I'm not. I don't know how I keep convincing myself I can do this, but I do. I guess I'll just keep doing it until I really, ultimately, decidedly fail. Even then, maybe I'm stupid and deluded enough to keep going. This is how things are. WHINE WHINE WHINE. lol Current Mood: listless (Sugar, spell it out)
Sunday, September 27th, 2009
3:19 am	The internet never sleeps! And now neither do I. (Sugar, spell it out)
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
12:31 am	Some days, I feel like I just can't write at all. Take the last ten years, for instance. (Sugar, spell it out)
Sunday, September 20th, 2009
11:39 am	Eid mubarak! c: Today may be a day to write. Current Mood: contemplative (Sugar, spell it out)
Thursday, September 17th, 2009
11:18 pm	I have too many things in my brain right now. I can't even sort them out enough to write them down. It's like when I try to make myself write faster, and my hand just seizes up and stops. Time off will be good for me, I guess. Today took a week. Two words I hate: maybe someday Current Mood: drained (Sugar, spell it out)
Monday, September 14th, 2009
10:19 am	Bored at breakfast Getting ready to graduate. I'm excited and terrified, which seems about right. Knitting: Cupcake: done Hufflepuff Scarf for Nick: almost halfway Slouch Hat: looks about halfway Doughnut: pending! I've been reading more, now that I've finished my English major. No more lists of books. I can just cruise Amazon all day, looking at things I actually want to read. As my mom said, "stupid college." Current Mood: bored (Sugar, spell it out)